I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
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Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
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make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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