I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
