Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
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