i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Randomize
