Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
