theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
