Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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