A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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