I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
