Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize