it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
