last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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