You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
