I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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