dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
