Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
