I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Why can't burritos get me drunk
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
