garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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