On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
