the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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