i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
