My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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