i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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