I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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