i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
