she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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