His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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