Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
