I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
