there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
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I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
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i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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