He is such a slut. More and more my type.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
