I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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