I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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