operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
