There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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