if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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