And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
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I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
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The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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