Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
