He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
