you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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