i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
