We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
