Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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