Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
