She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
