mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
false alarm, still single
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
