she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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