i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
