so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
