tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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