I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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