She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
