I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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