Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
