i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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