btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
