Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize