I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
