Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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