She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
