After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
