Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
