I'm laying in your front yard are you home
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I cut my penus on the lid.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I need to sanitize my soul.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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