My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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