Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
