Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
