I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
