I wish I could punch you in the face.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
