Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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