if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
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Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
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How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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