I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
