please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
zippers are such a cool invention
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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