Just fell off a train. Bad.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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