yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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