I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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