Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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