Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
