So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
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Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize