i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize