im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My balls are so social today.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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