your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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