A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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