that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
