I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We just shotgunned beers for America
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
