My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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