I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
