I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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