Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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