i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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