yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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