i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
