My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
