I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
