first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
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That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
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He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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